


loved

by chatshire303



Category: iKON (Kpop)
Genre: Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, survival show era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 08:51:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5961439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chatshire303/pseuds/chatshire303
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yunhyeong has loved and has been unloved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	loved

When they first met, Hanbin’s eyes were piercing and Yunhyeong’s light reached every corner of the room.

Polite words were exchanged. Unknowingly, they had a long future ahead of them.

 

*

 

The survival show has taken a toll on the leader. Yunhyeong is afraid Hanbin will get hurt if he continues to work himself under all the pressure. Hanbin, who cares for his members, his words have grown choppier, his orders more demanding. He only lets Bobby and Jinhwan, the two of the original three, into his walls.

Yunhyeong won't allow himself to crumple under his gaze no matter how disappointing, stiff, or untalented he is made to feel. Fear has plagued him since his first day of training - since auditioning. He isn't sure what he wants anymore. The wall of confidence he’s always had has begun to crack. He tries to understand Hanbin.

 

 

On a particularly bad day Yunhyeong excuses himself from practice as Hanbin fumes in his wake. Donghyuk and Junhoe refuse to look at him, but practice continues all the same. Eventually he leaves and heads towards the bathroom; the noise of the practice room fades and his surroundings grow quiet, his flame beginning to die out. He stands outside the bathroom door and listens to the sound of tap water running. 

Yunhyeong emerges red-eyed and exhausted; Hanbin knows what he’s done.

 

One day, when Yunhyeong thinks about the possibility that Hanbin might hate him, he's cornered in an empty training room. Yunhyeong looks at the boy in question.

“Did you leave something behind?”

“No, I was just watching you.”

Hanbin walks towards him and all Yunhyeong can do is stand still. He's suddenly afraid the boy had read his mind, then, when he thinks Hanbin will stop at an appropriate distance, he continues to walk until the space between them becomes nonexistent.

Yunhyeong inhales and Hanbin touches his arm lightly. He closes his eyes; Hanbin kisses him.

 

 

They do a lot of stupid things for a while. Hanbin’s especially fond of sneaking off, or keeping him behind on free days. They mess around a few times and Yunhyeong discovers Hanbin’s insatiable drive.

“Do you love me?”

The leader has also taken to asking this question a lot, though he's never once told Yunhyeong he loves him.

Always, the older responds with:  
  
“Of course.”

Hanbin never seems pleased nor displeased with his answer.

 

*

 

Yunhyeong has figured out who it is that Hanbin loves. Not that it was hard.

Bobby’s rambunctious laughter fills the air and the smile Hanbin makes can make flowers grow. His eyes never leave the other rapper.

Yunhyeong looks away and wishes he was back home, back in the comfort of his normal life.

 

*

“Who are you texting?”

Yunhyeong looks up in surprise, his smile only beginning to fade. Outside of all the training, performances and cameras, Yunhyeong is still going to high school.

“Just a friend.”

Hanbin must forget from time to time that his whole world doesn't just consist of Team B, not that Yunhyeong thinks that's the case for the rest of the members. He wonders if they think he's unfocused for having other commitments.

Hanbin’s smile is disinterested yet prying. “Do they know how busy you are?”

“They know all about it.”

Yunhyeong knows immediately that it's the wrong answer.

 

 

The second time Hanbin makes him cry is in bed, begging for the younger boy to slow down. He's reached the point where he can't tell pain from pleasure, like Hanbin’s somehow turned his brain into mush from all the pounding. Yunhyeong doesn't even realise he's making noise at all, or that tears have started to fall from the corner of his eyes until Hanbin kisses them away. 

The boy concedes and slows down for a while, which only lasts until he knows that Yunhyeong’s getting close, and then Hanbin’s picking up the speed again and Yunhyeong’s vision turns into bright splotches of heaven.

He asks that stupid question again.

“Do you love me?”

Yunhyeong struggles to form a complete sentence. “Yes,” he manages. “Of course I do.”

Hanbin acts sweet at the strangest moments, though his next words are still a command.

“I want you to say it.”

The other boy is coherent enough to appreciate the irony of the statement, nevertheless he obeys, forever faithful to his leader.

“I love you,” he gasps between shallow breaths. Unexpectedly he's hit with a wave of emotion; the pain is in his chest.

“I love you,” he repeats. Hanbin’s getting close too, he can feel it in the way his control begins to slip. Yunhyeong clutches at him tightly.

 

 

 

He ends it all one night right after a practice session.

At least he's always been straightforward, and has never been afraid to look Hanbin in the eye. The boy looks like he's been expecting it.

There is no fight, Yunhyeong doesn't tell him he's tired of being his stress-reliever, that he’s tired of his cowardice. He doesn't tell him to take his pain somewhere else - he doesn't blame him for anything at all. It's all over just like that.

 

*

 

“You know if you asked, I don't think he'd say no.”

Hanbin pries his eyes from Bobby, his smile so obviously forced that Yunhyeong almost laughs.

“What are you talking about?”

He keeps his tone chastising. “I'm not an idiot.”

 

 

The next day when he sights Bobby and Hanbin talking in secret, he feels the familiar ghost of an ache where his heart should be.

Yunhyeong realises he is, in fact, an idiot.

 

*

 

“Idiot, what do you think you're doing?”

Chanwoo sprawls out on the couch like it's no one's business, taking up all the free space. He grins up at his _hyung_ without remorse.

Hanbin watches with idle curiosity; quite some time has passed since the days he thought he had ruined Yunhyeong for good. Neither of them have ever brought it up since.

Now, as he watches Yunhyeong give up on his complaining to squash himself comfortably between Chanwoo’s side and the armrest, seemingly all content with the world, Hanbin realises how stupid he once was to think he could keep all of that light to himself, if only to get out of the darkness.


End file.
